Parental Participation

Parents:

Motivation in school is parallel to motivation in life. If a student has no intrinsic motivation to participate in schoolwork then they are more than likely lacking motivation to participate at home.  Appealing to a student’s basic needs at home and challenging the student at home can and will translate to the classroom.  I’m sure as a parent that you already meet your child’s needs for basic survival, food, shelter, clothing etc.  These exercises apply to Maslow’s other basic needs, belonging, safety, love, and acceptance.

Dinner is on You:

Here is an exercise that I want you to try with your unmotivated child. Tell the child that next week they will be cooking diner.

• They can cook whatever they want, but on Wednesday of next week they will be preparing dinner.
• Help them find the recipes for whatever they want to cook
• Have them make a shopping list and go over it. Remind them to check the kitchen to see if you might already have the items
• Set a budget for them and offer advice for the meal but allow the student to make all of the decisions
• Let them know that on Saturday you both will go to the store and you will purchase groceries for that meal, whatever it is that they want.
• The meal will be planned and executed by your child, including what is to be prepared and what time dinner is ready to be served.
• When Wednesday comes around the expectation that dinner has been made, the what and when has been decided. See what happens.
• Hopefully the youth has cooked dinner and it is edible and delicious, the child should then be praised and the parent should clean the dishes.

Work it into a weekly tradition allow the youth more and more freedom; encourage them to look up recipes. Make it a fun and safe way to explore fulfilling their basic needs. If the task has not been preformed then inform your child that you will wait to eat until they are done cooking the meal. Be encouraging in their efforts and patient, but don’t let them get out of cooking the meal and don’t do it for them, you can assist them but the child must take the lead. This fosters a sense of responsibility and makes them feel like more of an active participant in the family.

Clean Up time:

When presenting their chores, give them a choice. For example “Bobby, you can either take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher.” Bobby knows that there is an expectation to do at least one of the chores, but allowing him to choose which chore gives him a small sense of ownership. Always thank the youth for doing the task.

• As time goes on, establish a set time for the tasks to be completed, post those tasks and proposed completion dates and times.
• Create a chart that has the month broken down as a calendar, color code that chart into chore lists
• Each list will be clearly labeled on the chart, what the task is and when it needs to be completed by.
• Allow your child to choose which list of chores they want you to do, leaving the other list to be completed by them.
• Switch off who assigns lists every two weeks.
• Make the chores a competition between those who participate, those who finish first and do the best job get to have 1 less chore the next week and give a chore of their choice to who finishes last.

This gives the child the opportunity to decide what others are going to do and makes them feel like a partner in the relationship instead of a subject. Eventually allow the child the opportunity to create the chore list, this will boost their self -esteem and let them feel like they are in charge of something larger. Over time, chores will become routine and if nothing else you have maintained a clean and organized household. Less stress on you and less on your child, if there are multiple children in the house make sure to include them all into this practice.

 

Daily Compliment:

Every day that you come home from work look for something that the child has done and thank him or her for it.

• It can be something as simple as putting the cap back on the toothpaste container.
• Positive reinforcement is the best encouragement that a child can have.
• Keep a tally of how many things you notice and what.
• Try to compliment on something different every day, avoid negative feedback or insinuation, and only comment on the positive.
• Start to include larger tasks gradually.
• Measure how many things the child is doing.
• The amount and complexity of the task should increase over time.
• Give it a trail run for two weeks and see what you notice.

The more that the child’s first three basic hierarchical needs are met at home the more that the student will be able to translate those needs into his or her school work. If the student is beginning to feel a sense of self-worth and pride from their accomplishments at home then they will want to transfer that feeling of success to school.